What’s Wrong With Me?

There comes a time when every single person asks themselves ‘whats wrong with me.’ Romance writers ask this question, but often miss the mark in their answers. They create serious emotional problems, that cannot be realistically fixed, and in return, write unbelievable novels.

I was beautiful, intelligent, and vivacious as a young woman. At 35 I could still hand out with the brat pack. I had a keen wit, although I did lack a sense of humour. My confidence level was a little higher than it should have been, but that is to be expected when people always treated me like I was special – except men. They treated me like a prize to be conned, coerced, and even forced.

Beautiful women secretly enjoy the ‘date drought’ in the same way that you would enjoy a vacation. It is a time when it is okay to go through the day without doing their hair, or without someone wanting something from us. Whether it was to be seen in public, or for us to treat them like they are the most special person on earth.

The entire thing creates a mindset which drove our self esteem down. Most women would be surprised to know that most beautiful women do not feel good about themselves. That is because no one is concerned about their love languages, or feeding their emotional needs. A beautiful woman is something to be taken for granted, a prize earned.

Woman’s Fiction writers have ‘got it.’ But, romance writers are still far behind.

Many women go through relationships, never alone, because they want the other person to feed their needs. Instead, they should enter a relationship looking for a balance between what they give and what they get.

Affirmation addicts are always relationship hopping, because there comes a day when their partner tires of giving constant affirmation. These people are terrified of being alone, but they are such an emotional drain that no one can be around them for very long. No one ever says, ‘where is Julie.’ They always say, ‘where is Julie and Mark.’

The thing is, most people are single because romance is about taking, not giving. A relationship is about what they get. I knew one woman who thought her ‘prince charming’ was suppose to make her life perfect. Three weeks after marrying him, she was devastated because he actually expected her to act like a wife. And, he wasn’t doing all those Fabio type things she expected from marriage. Instead, she said, she had to do laundry because he got mad when there were no socks left.


I was almost 40 when I met my husband. Husband #2 was so much different than the first edition. He did not parade me around like I was nothing more than a coat hanger for his wealth – in fact, as time passes, and I am no longer ‘noticeable’ he actually pays more attention to me.

A lesson learned, only 15 years too late. Not that I couldn’t have learned it. I knew a beautiful woman who married a 300 lb man from a jovial, but rather alarming family. We thought she lost her mind. It took me 15 years to realize that we were the ones who ‘didn’t get it.’ We were the ones to be pitied.

I think that, instead of worrying about emotional depression and abusive problems, writers should just take time to learn about relationships and use ‘real’ problems/conflicts in their stories.